Dear Friends -
Yesterday I was in Muscle Shoals, Alabama where many of the great American musicians - like the Allman Brothers, Bob Dylan, Paul Simon and Wilson Pickett did recordings. I remembered this town from Lynyrd Skynynd's "Sweet Home Alabama.” Anyway, being the silly Dad that I am, I decided to pick up a Muscle Shoals shot glass to add to Alan and Aaron's (my) collection - a shot glass from every state I drive through. I looked around town - no shot glasses. Finally I stopped at a Big K (I’ve lost interest in my US tour of Walmarts) thinking for sure they would have shot glasses.The manager didn’t remember seeing Muscle Shoal shot glasses anywhere. There wasn’t even a little frickin’ "Alabama" glass in the whole store. His “I’m sorry, sir,” was like the Zen slap. At that very moment - I achieved enlightenment!! My grown sons don’t need another damn $5 shot glass. Truly. What was I thinking? If they sat with a bottle of Jack Daniels and filled and downed the ones I already gave them - Texas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Arizona, New Mexico, Arkansas, California, Graceland and Anderson’s Pea Soup - not to mention the Neunschwanstein Castle glass I illegally bought at Goodwill - or the one from Alcatraz that came from God knows where - they’d both be hammered out of their minds - all because of my silly tourist collecting useless crap thing. So I bought a cool $5 straw hat instead. What do you think?
I was driving down the freeway this morning and passed by a billboard with huge lettering - WHEN YOU DIE WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? Hmm. Do I still have two choices? I thought about that for a few miles and realized that I’m no closer to the answer since I’ve become enlightened, then I was before. Then a few miles later the answer boomed out on another billboard. Arkansas’s Largest ADULT SUPERSTORE. Next Exit. (Jesus saves . . . right after the next lap dance)
The picture on the right sums up Southern Christianity for me . . . except I would put a crucifix around his neck and a boner in his pants. (though he just may be yanking off - if you check his left hand and that shit eating grin on his face) I think if God were a psychiatrist and lined up Southern Christians on his or her couch - he or she wouldn’t be doing shots of Jack Daniels with my sons - he, she or it would be swigging the whole damn bottle and saying, “Jesus help me!”
I'm still not sure what Jesus has to do with good old All-American Baptist patriotism and sex toys. I'll choose #3.
By the way, Jesus lives in the South. These people down here take a particular ownership to him. He’s their boy. If I decided to take a photo a day of every Christian church in the South I'd be taking pictures for the next 200 years. And it's all about answering that billboard question. Who exactly wrote the curriculum? I did notice however that rapture does happen. I don't know where they end up, but I’m probably the only one who noticed the rapture last week. While his father did everything in his power to hold on, this young handsome Master was pulled through the car’s glass sunroof and up into the tornado. They never found his body. So, at least one person we know of was raptured up. I guess you just have to be in the right place at the right time. Shoot - I’m sitting in a Starbucks in Little Rock and I’m feeling pretty darn raptured right this moment. After abstinence for a few months, this coffee is making me feel real high. The point being - Who makes up this shit?
I really liked what the Enlightened Master Sadhguru is saying. Here's his picture again if you forgot about him. He said that India has produced thousands of Enlightened Masters. He said that many of them weren't religious at all, or necessarily nice - some were downright mean and nasty. They lived in a culture where they didn't have to play by the rules or subject themselves to advertisements, society or peer pressure. If they wanted to spend their life standing naked on a street corner ignoring the world, it was OK. The one thing they had in common was DEVOTION. They found something they devoted their lives to and stuck to it, no matter what. We are sooooo distracted all the time. That's our insanity. Jesus and porno most often are forms of distraction. My devotion is writing - telling stories. My blogs are silly stories - but my 540 page novel Shambala is serious good writing. I call it the "Most surprising love story ever told." It's detective intrigue, travel around the world to the Himalaya's and one of the most understandable spiritual teachings you have ever read. This all happens because I have no doubt that I was born to share something with the people of this earth. That may sound cocky - but I believe it is actually true for all humans - if we choose not to be so distracted - if we choose to stand naked on the street corner and shout "This is who I am and this is what I do." Then you will see - all these other beliefs, all the ones I appear to be so sacrilegious about - are the pulls away for Self - pulls away from your chosen devotion and unique reason for Being.
If you're interested in update on the progress of Shambala let me know. Should be available this fall.
With lots of love and blessings, (the highway is calling - on to Oklahoma)
David Dakan Allison
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